Life's challenges can be opportunities for extraordinary growth and transformation. Some narratives would have us believe that traumatized people are somehow “damaged” or “broken goods”. It can certainly feel that way… AND… Let me tell you wholeheartedly, that trauma when integrated also makes us some of the most empowered people on EARTH. We hold the capacity to be extraordinary healers, lovers & leaders whether at home with family & community or on a global stage.

READ THAT AGAIN.

ABOUT ME: PERSONAL STORY

Welcome! I Am Turiya Wild Rose. My journey to becoming the powerful Medicine Woman, Mother, Counsellor, Death Doula, Priestess -HUMAN- that I AM was fraught with harrowing experiences.

My initiations began early. From the time I was in my mother’s womb. She was struggling with addiction and her own complex trauma & other diagnoses. My early life was saturated in the themes of abandonment & the child welfare system, moving from foster home to foster home until finally being adopted at the age of 7.

I wish this was my happy ending. My childhood experiences in my adoptive family left me feeling unseen, unheard, humiliated, abused & unworthy.

Like there was something so inherently wrong with me…that “I was bad.” 

So I tried to be “Good”. Overachieving at school, athletics & trying hard to not be “messy”, have feelings or make mistakes, especially because I would often be punished if I wasn’t the “good girl”. I wonder if anyone else can relate???

I also experienced a deep sense of “not belonging” and felt like an “outcast” at school. I was often bullied and called Terriea Diarrhea...

There weren’t many spaces where I could receive a reflection of love & worth.

Except through the eyes of my Aunt Rose (kinda ironic that her name is Rose). She played a significant role in showing me the depth of care that we all deserve.

I also found sanctuary & moments of peace & self-expression through dancing. My cousin and I would spend hours creating dances and Aunt Rose would always be gracious and willing to watch us.

Unfortunately, neither her love for me nor my love of dance was enough to prevent what happened next. And after a big blow up fight with my adoptive mother, I was placed back into the child welfare system and into group homes.

Group homes are part of an oppressive & outdated government system. I would run away and was vulnerable to predators who exploited me in sex-trafficking from the ages of 13-16.

These years consisted of horrific & harrowing experiences. (Honored to share more of my truth of this time, if you are interested, please connect)

I became pregnant at 16, escaped from my pimp and testified against him. (my daughter’s father).

In my early adulthood, I suffered from the impacts of my complex trauma. In the early 2000’s we did not have the awareness that we do today about trauma.

I struggled to be a mother and used substances to cope.

Many factors contributed to my magnetizing unhealthy and abusive relationships. One such factor was my agreeableness, the fawning response of my nervous system. Eventually, my nervous system could not repress my true feelings (like anger) anymore and  my partners would go running for the hills afraid of my wrath. These trauma reactions left me feeling powerless, deadened and guilty.

This meant finding myself in relationship after relationship seeking my “happy ending.” I later realized how desperately I was trying to create the experience of family that I never had.

After several opportunities from the Universe - “dark nights of the soul” where I would lose everything simultaneously - I finally listened.

I let my heart break this time & I made a commitment to embrace the ache…

It was so painful & I felt like I was dying. I was so afraid…

Sometimes we need to breakdown in order to breakthrough….

The breakthrough for me was taking accountability for my pain, fear and grief, and acknowledging that I was angry! Of course I was! That would be the normal response to what is NOT OK.

I took a risk-feeling like I had nothing left to lose- and embarked on a solo trip to Bali, Indonesia to heal my broken heart. (Thank-you Eat, Pray, Love for the inspiration!)

In Bali, I committed to holding space for myself to be with my feelings- namely, fear, grief & anger. I literally would carve out daily time to play a song that I knew I could embrace the ache too (which was Seattle by Sleeping at Last), hand on heart & belly & cried or yelled, stomped & screamed, held myself through the fear. But once the song was over, I also gave myself permission to let it go (like a wave). I say this because (at that time) more of my identity was tied up in my pain & suffering & the repression of it.

In Bali, I also cultivated my Spirituality (Bali holds an exquisite frequency of the Divine Feminine) and engaged in water purification ceremonies and spending time learning from healers & medicine people there.

I created spaciousness to slow down, connect to & nourish my body, began ecstatic dancing & playing  with fellow solo travellers. I prioritized nourishing & regulating my nervous system.

This was my turning point. I did not & could not do it alone. I was supported by a therapist, my dear friends & fellow counseling colleagues. Yes (a great counselor) knows that we are human too, that it is totally ok to ask for help & leads by example!!

I learned & embodied what it means to embrace the full spectrum of my humanity. That (as my therapist revealed at that time, we are not here to just “feel better”, we feel better by getting better at FEELING!!”

This has been a potent truth. Nothing has opened my heart like the embracing of my grief & nothing has turned on my power like cultivating capacity to be with my anger. (In ways that do not leave me feeling guilty & acting out harm to others or turning the anger inwards at myself)

Which also created more space to access joy, aliveness & passion! My nervous system befriended & nourished.

I would love to share what I have learned (& more importantly embodied) with you.

EMBODYING MY POWER & LIVING ON PURPOSE

Since then I have learned to embrace the beauty of the waves of my emotions, the sensations of my body’s wisdom & rhythms, and to honour my needs connected to the intricate tapestry of Nature’s rhythms & cycles of birth, life, death & rebirth. 

I am in an ongoing relationship with re-wilding & un-civilizing myself from all the messaging of who I need to be in order to be accepted by Society (especially as a female who was socialized & punished if I wasn’t the “good girl).

Insert: Shutup, look pretty, don’t ever express anger, don’t be messy, make mistakes, have desires & desire for pleasure etc, etc…....blah, blah, blah!

I found MY authentic rhythm…..

I have tended to the roots of shame about my sexuality and the lies I have told myself about who I am. I have faced some great fears…

I reconnected with Indigenous spirituality & also became a disciple of Buddhism for awhile. Not all paths & practices were meant for me and I continued on my path until I found what resonated with me.

Ultimately, the Tantric path was the right one for me & lead me to my purpose. Tantra, to me, is the path of “UNION” that we are able to access (while we are alive) that unites our humanity (physical body) with our Divinity (spiritual self) over & over again in this realm of duality. Tantra, is also the path of Re-union, when our body gives way to the truth of who we are after we die.

This Re-UNION can also happen over and over again in Life.

Parts of me that were hurting have died many times. It’s just a completely different experience when they die in loving, compassionate arms. (my own & others). In life, we have the capacity to “Rebirth” different versions of ourselves and become more practiced for (perhaps) the greatest letting go…death. Embracing & letting go the hurting parts of myself, supported me to live a better quality of life.

This has been my heroine’s journey. We all have one to share. What’s yours? This is also your legacy & unique contribution to the Earth & humanity’s evolution.

My heroine’s  journey prepared me to hold & move through all the rhythms & cycles of life with the utmost respect & reverence - to decide to leave a legacy rooted in AUTHENTICITY.

Today I enjoy a beautiful relationship with my Beloved partner, Happy ( yes, Happy is his name) - I guess I did get my “Happy” ending ;-). I am experiencing deeper & more fulfilling relationships (with my chosen family), I love being of service as a counsellor and death doula and I am living my childhood dream of sharing dance as a facilitator of Kundalini Dance!

I have been blessed to experience doing my best (with everything I endured) to be a mother to my daughter -now 27- and my son just about to turn 16 on Halloween.

I have made many mistakes…

It’s an ongoing journey. My daughter & I are still in the process of healing our relationship. Growth & Evolution is an ongoing process. It’s our capacity that gets more expansive to meet life’s challenges with curiosity, compassion, grace & ease.

I am here to hold you compassionately, wherever you are at & whatever you are going through…

With Love & Reverence,

Turiya Wild Rose